


Lifeline

by dannihowell (iguessicantry)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 15:45:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7624507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iguessicantry/pseuds/dannihowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil works at a suicide hotline and he gets a call from a distraught boy named Dan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lifeline

_[Call Start: 2:17 am]_

OPERATOR: You’re speaking to a HopeLine counselor. My name is Phil. How can I help you?

CALLER: –

OPERATOR: Hello? Is anyone there?

CALLER: –

OPERATOR: Are you okay? Are you able speak?

CALLER: Yes.

OPERATOR: Are you alright?

CALLER: I d-don’t think so. [Sniffling, shuffling]

OPERATOR: “What is wrong? Are you injured at all?”

CALLER: Not yet.

OPERATOR: What do you mean by that?

CALLER: –

OPERATOR: Please, tell me what you mean. Are you in danger?

CALLER: I-I want…

OPERATOR: Are you going to hurt yourself?

CALLER: “Y-Yes.”

OPERATOR: Where are you?

CALLER: At home.

OPERATOR: Do you mind telling me your name?

CALLER: Dan.

OPERATOR: Okay, Dan. Are you alone?

CALLER: My p-parents are home. My brother—He’s in the next room.

OPERATOR: Okay. That’s good. Dan, why do you want to hurt yourself?

CALLER: –

OPERATOR: Are you still there?

CALLER: Yes.

OPERATOR: Good. Very good. Dan, do you want answer my question?

CALLER: I messed up.

OPERATOR: How did you mess up, Dan?

CALLER: I—I don’t know what happened. I–My dad’s going to kill me and… I can’t… I can’t… [Gasping, heavy breathing, sobbing]

OPERATOR: Please, slow down. That’s it. Breathe. Take a deep breath. Release it slowly. Keep breathing. It will be okay. I’m here. You can talk to me and we’ll sort it all out. Just keep breathing.

CALLER: Everything is—it’s all gone to shit. I can’t fix it. It’s too late. It’s too fucking late.”

OPERATOR: What’s happened? Talk to me.

CALLER: [Sniffles] I got my results yesterday in the post.

OPERATOR: And how’d you do?

CALLER: Failed two of my subjects… I’m so fucking dumb, you know. Like I had one job and that was school. That’s all anyone asked of me and I can’t… I just can’t…

OPERATOR: School isn’t everything.

CALLER: What do you know?

OPERATOR: I know many people who do well without higher education.

CALLER: Like who?

OPERATOR: There’s lots of famous people I can look up…

CALLER: Are you serious? I call you because I want to… and you want to give me a list of celebrities who’ve their lives all sorted.

OPERATOR: Yes. I want you to know that it can be done. It can and _will_ get better.

CALLER: I really don’t want to stick around and see if that happens. On top of everything else, I can’t see myself ever being… okay or…like…happy.

OPERATOR: Do you want to talk about _everything else_? It’s your choice.

CALLER: [Pause] Will you report any of this to anyone?

OPERATOR: If you say you will harm yourself or anyone else, then I will. If you are in danger, I have to say something so we can help.

CALLER: Okay. Well, umm… college is just as bad as high school was. Like there’s these guys who just won’t leave me alone. God, I feel like baby crying about this.

OPERATOR: It’s okay. You are overwhelmed. Crying is very good for you.

CALLER: If you say so. My girlfriend would probably give up on me so you’re already better to talk to.

OPERATOR: How do you feel about that?

CALLER: Everybody gives up on me. [Pause] I’m tired of being such a disappointment.

OPERATOR: Dan, other than your results, what else proves that you’re a disappointment?

CALLER: What was your name again?

OPERATOR: Phil.

CALLER: Phil, I…

OPERATOR: Take your time.

CALLER: It’s getting h-harder to ignore now. [Sniffling] He’s so important to me and I keep thinking about him.

OPERATOR: Can you tell me more please?

CALLER: I…I w-want to kiss him. [Chuckle] That was easier to say than I imagined… I want to touch him. I have a crush on this other guy and… I can’t be this person. I’m not allowed to be this person. They’ll know and they’ll hate me for it.

OPERATOR: Who will hate you?

CALLER: My family, my friends, and… everyone. Like my grandma. I love her and if she knew, she’d disown me. She’s the only person in my entire family that I actually like, you know? She’d hate me.

OPERATOR: I doubt that, Dan. She probably loves you more than you’ll ever realize.

CALLER: Do you hate me?

OPERATOR: No.

CALLER: Thanks.

OPERATOR: There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling about any of this. You cannot help who you love. Bullies are awful people and even adults have to deal with them. You have people who love you, Dan. And it’s clear to me that you love them too. Am I right?

CALLER: Yes.

OPERATOR: Are you able to resist your exams?

CALLER: Yeah… In August.

OPERATOR: Think about what I just told you and what you just told me.

CALLER: –

OPERATOR: How are you feeling right now?

CALLER: [Laughter] Much better.

OPERATOR: Do you think you will hurt yourself?

CALLER: No, I don’t think I will. Sorry for wasting your time.

OPERATOR: You did not waste my time. I’m here for calls just like this.

CALLER: What? From whiny teenagers?

OPERATOR: From everyone, just people who need to talk to an open mind, open ears and an open heart. We all need help sometimes. And that’s okay, Dan.

CALLER: Yeah…

OPERATOR: I will not give up on you. You can always call back, especially when you are feeling low like you were tonight.

CALLER: Thanks… Phil.

OPERATOR: Is there anything else you want to talk about?

CALLER: No, but…

OPERATOR: Yes?

CALLER: I don’t want to hang up.

OPERATOR: I promise I won’t.

_[Call is ongoing]_

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr  
> [dannihowell](https://danni-howell.tumblr.com/)


End file.
